Phd Dropout.
Like Grease but less hair gel.
I enrolled in a PhD programme in February 2019, and withdrew in May 2022 (after close to a year of ‘should I’ vs ‘shouldn’t I’ conversations with anyone who would entertain me).
It’s hard to reconcile who I was in early 2019 with who I am now, and I think I just hit a little bit of bad timing. Who was I to know that the next three years were going to be the most transformative both professionally and personally of my life.
In 2019 I was pursuing rowing coaching. Admittedly I was no longer as tied to the idea of coaching (rowing) as a career, but I still loved the sport and felt I had a lot more to achieve and contribute. I saw my PhD as a pathway to coach education and youth resistance training consultancy, with the long term goal of moving into tertiary education. I hadn’t really thought about how those things would all fit together, but it made sense at the time.
In 2022 I have no involvement in rowing. I coach as much as I ever have, but it is firmly weightlifting and S&C now. I am involved in sport management and governance, and have new ambitions in high performance. While I still very much hope to work in coach education, it’s kind of come down to the point that right now, I do not believe a PhD is necessary in achieving my current career goals.
Underlying this, my financial situation while studying was, and admittedly right now continues to be a struggle. I have separate issues around finding a better balance between voluntary and paid work to sort out, but I do know that the financial sacrifice associated with study is not something I’m willing to tolerate anymore.
I know withdrawing was the right call for the person I am today. I’ve got no issues with finally making that decision. It bugs me though why I found it so hard to actually make.
A little bit sunk cost fallacy for sure…. more though, I think I had pinned a bit of self-worth to the idea that I was going to be Dr. Peach one day and letting go of that made me less than.
I associated a PhD with giving me authority, knowledge, and abilities as a leader and coach. Actually though, a PhD means a person was able to assemble and present academic research, was able to conduct further research themselves, and in all likelihood has expert knowledge in a very specific area, at the time of publication. A PhD does not necessarily mean someone is an excellent teacher or leader. It doesn’t even guarantee that they are an expert in the area they end up working in. Post-grad study, absolutely that is an asset. Having the ability to critically analyse and apply research, if you keep doing that throughout your career, that is a point of difference. Need I remind myself I already have those skills through a Masters degree? I’ve already got all the tools I need to get me anywhere I want to go.
So now I’m here. Huge-ass student loan and a fresh perspective. Realising that my applied experience and outcomes are going to have more impact on my progression and future opportunities than any letters after my name.
